You want some fucking movie reviews? Fine. But they’re going to be belligerent.
Clerks 2 – Funny. More? Fine. Kevin Smith’s vulgar yet believable banter is hilarious. Most of the other elements of the movie aren’t as great, but lucky for us the fantastic arguments about ass-to-mouth and porchmonkies make up the majority of the film. Whenever Smith tries to be serious, he becomes both unoriginal and uninteresting. He picks the cheesiest accompanying music, he dramatically pans from solemn face to solemn face, and oh look, the little girl waves through the window at a forlorn Dante. Lame. But then donkey-fucking returns and all is good again. I’m too lazy to look up the actors’ real names, but Dante still acts as poorly as he did in the first one (his line delivery makes me want to beat him in the head with the cue cards he’s reading off of), but this is entirely made up for by the great job done by Randall. The supporting cast is pretty solid too, except for creepy Mrs. Kevin Smith. All in all, I liked the movie a lot. Instead of just rehashing itself, it took the time to legitimately try to see how these people would be (marginally) different several years down the road. And if you came to the movie for any other reason that uproarious dialogue, you’re an idiot.
Aeon Flux – I don’t know how this movie ended up in my house, but I woke up this morning and it was on the table. So I watched it. I won’t bother you with things such as plot, acting, or the like as it’s all as you’d expect. It’s got your run-of-the-mill tragedy, love, twist, and final stand. The only thing that really gives it any merit at all is its attempt to be creative. Some of the stuff is actually pretty cool: the lady with hands for feet, pills to give you messages or missions within your brain, little explosive marbles, etc. But the action isn’t all that exciting and “themes” or any semblance of deeper meaning is come across as more retarded than the kid who lives down the street from me and eats his hat. Ultimately I wish this movie had been worse. If it had been shittier it could have been a great B-movie (dare I say a Starship Troopers), but as it is it’s a ho-hum forgettable sci-fi flick. Much like my sex life. Well, minus the sci-fi and flick part.
