A Simple Tool

The new Brother Ali cd, The Undisputed Truth, is fantastic. This, coupled with his awesome show at Rock the Bells, has made him my favorite new mc. Buy his CD. Come on, he’s a giant legally-blind Muslim albino! How can you not buy his shit? I’m not particularly great at writing music reviews, so I’m not going to even try to explain why this cd is awesome (that’s Murch’s thing) . Listen to it for yourself.

If you haven’t heard of the Discovery Channel series Planet Earth, then you’re living in a tv-less cave and being lame. It’s probably the greatest nature documentary of all time and it’s all around amazing. Some of the imagery they captured is simply breathtaking, watching the DVDs makes me wish I owned a hi-def set-up. Furthermore, the use of illegal drugs makes watching this series 80x better (or so I’ve heard), although you often find yourself getting quite upset when wolves/hyenas/mean carnivores take down a deer/antelope/baby-whatever. I think my favorite moment is the bird mating dances in the “Pole to Pole” episode, especially since I can sympathize with the bird utterly striking out.

Also, a lesson learned from my recent jaunt down to DC to visit Stat and Fluffer: When Fluffer is black-out drunk, do not expect him to be able to navigate around the city that he lives in, even if you’re only trying to get to a bar that is two blocks away.

Finally, I just watched the full season of Heroes. All-in-all it’s a pretty kick-ass show but the season finale 1. sucked incredible ass and 2. was so predictable that I predicted it roughly 2 episodes into the series. Ugh. I hate cool things with sucky endings (see: Hyperion cantos: “oh, no the indescribably awesome AI-god/killing machine from hell is defeated by the power of…LOVE!” or His Dark Materials “the evil angels who usurped God’s power and are ruling the universe are defeated by the power of….LOVE!” wtf?)

It’s my birthday tomorrow.

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Now playing: Brother Ali – Watcha Got
via FoxyTunes

As a big fan of football games on my now aged PS2, I generally try to pick up either Madden or NCAA football every year, generally alternating.  Ever since EA Sports ruined Madded with the introduction of the execrable passing cone, however, I’ve generally tended towards the college series.  NCAA 07 was a damn solid game, my only complaint being that none of my friends are as into college ball as I am, so we would just end up playing Madden 06 with the passing cone off instead.  With that in mind, I was somewhat excited to play the next-gen version of NCAA on the Xbox 360 and boy does it suck.   It wasn’t quite a NFL Street 3 level of suck (Here’s an idea let’s take everything fun out of one of the sweetest games ever and get rid of it in the sequel!  God I want to stab whoever ruined that franchise) So, what went wrong?  Here’s a list:

1. Play selection – the new play selection interface is horrible.  First it takes way more time to navigate than the old system that’s been in place for the last x amount of year.  Apparently, EA couldn’t leave well enough alone and had to alter something that worked absolutely perfectly.  Second, it’s WAY to easy to see what your opponents plays are since EA forces you to highlight the play you’re selecting, rather than choosing 1 of 3 options on screen (or 6 additional ones from the previous or subsequent page, which was a feature in later NCAA games).  Quite frankly, the new system sucks.  It’s convoluted, hard to navigate, and an unnecessary change to a system that already worked.

2. The game is WAY too easy, especially in head to head. I have played about 10 games versus another player and in none of them have I been held under 200 yards rushing, usually with a 9-10 ypc average, no matter who I’m playing against.  Playing against Michigan is the exact same as playing against Temple.  Furthermore, I’ve surrendered over 200 yards rushing in every game, again no matter who I’m playing or who I play as.  In a game where I played as Penn State vs. Michigan, I injured the top 2 running backs for Michigan and they were still running for 12 ypc even against 8-9 men in the box.  Meanwhile, I ran for 281 yards on 22 carries.  The juke is all powerful, DBs never bring down a running back, and no one is ever (ever) pushed back.  It is literally impossible to stuff someone on a third and 1 (especially with the all powerful QB sneak which allows at least 4 ypc without question).  It’s essentially like playing Tecmo Bowl, occasional stuffs in between 60 yard touchdowns.     The same thing happened against the computer, which is utterly unable to defend against the option even in All-American mode in Heisman you simply fumble the ball every time you are hit.  This is pretty inexcusable.

3.  EA has fixed NONE of the actual problems with the 07 game.  Certain pass plays (safety bait) still ALWAYS work against the computer, the computer will still only run the ball against you about 5 times per game if you stuff them twice, the commentary still sucks, No-fucking-way games still happen, and nothing has actually been improved.

Essentially,  EA has taken a great game and made it shittier, just like they did with Street 3.  Since, I’m not yet ready to spring for on of the next gen consoles it means I’m stuck playing 07 until….whenever.  I feel like the football franchises from EA are due for another downturn similar to the years before 99 when Madden really took off again.  Oh well…

Speaking of games that don’t suck.  BIOSHOCK  fucking buy it, it rules.

Well, despite having absolutely nothing to do, and being mind-numbingly bored, for the past however-many days I haven’t posted in awhile.  But all that is about to change.   As part of a major effort to beat my life into shape, I’m going to write a post.  How does this help me get my shit together when I could be sorting through my possessions, dealing with my student loans, working, packing for grad school, or engaging in communication with actual human beings?  no clue.   Moving on.

Reviews:

Superbad - One word review: Hilarious.  More detailed review:  Probably the funniest movie I’ve seen all year, certainly as good as Knocked Up and Hot Fuzz.  What an awesome year for comedies, especially compared to last year which produced what…Clerks 2? Idiocracy?  Both decent, but I wouldn’t go out and buy either one.  You should be able to figure out if you’re going to like this from the trailers and, if you don’t like it, you can’t be my friend.  I think I’m going to go watch it again later this week.
Disturbia – Not a bad little thriller, but not really all that remarkable.  Worth a rental, and would probably make a decent date movie since it’s brainless and there are some parts that generate those minor scares that girls are into (for a more detailed description of what horror flicks are acceptable on a date see chapter 5 of Dan’s Bad Life Decisions: “Thinking it would be a good idea to watch The Devil’s Rejects with a girl”).  On another note, what the fuck kind of name is Shia LaBeouf?  It sounds like something out of a cartoon.  His parents should be beaten and mocked, as I’m sure young Shia was in middle school.  Luckily, Tyrannosaurus Rex but-instead-of-arms-Velociraptors-for-arms Yingst will never experience that pain.

Black Sheep – Black Sheep is a movie about mutant sheep that eat people.  Furthermore, when people are bitten by the evil sheep they become mutated anthropomorphic carnivorous sheep themselves.  This is all a lot scarier when you realize it takes place in New Zealand, where there is a 17 billion:1 sheep to person ratio.  Needless to say, this movie is fucking sweet.  It kinda reminded me of Dead Alive, one of Peter Jackson’s earliest films, which is possibly the most awesome zombie movie ever.  Black Sheep did suffer, however, from the lack of a Kung-Fu priest who kicked ass for the lord, gets impaled on an angel statue, and has zombie sex to create an evil zombie baby before being decapitated with a lawnmower.  Also, New Zealanders apparently love insane amounts of ridiculous gore (played for comic effect), which is never ever a bad thing (see lawnmower scene, Dead Alive).  I love the black-comedy/horror genre.  (go buy Slither, right now, and while you’re at it buy Evil Dead 2, and Bubba Ho-Tep.  I’ll wait.)

Death at a Funeral - Quirky British comedy that has a gay blackmailing midget as a key character.  Plus Alan Turdyk! A little too unfocused to be truly great but pretty good nonetheless try to catch it if you don’t live in a cultural wasteland like Hanover and can actually see independent movies in the theater.

Running Scared – This one came like a year ago and I was initially reluctant to watch it because it didn’t get stellar reviews and starred the less-than-awesome Paul Walker as the lead character.  Nevertheless, my weakness for beautiful woman willing to watch movies with me overwhelmed my snobiness and I was pleasantly surprised.  After the opening sequence, which was edited in a manner designed to make Tony Scott barf, the director’s meth apparently wore off and the result was kinda entertaining.  There was still weird editing, but it actually worked, and the movie was really really intense and grimy (and super bloody), which was cool since I haven’t really watched anything like it recently.  Plus, the pedophiles scene was one of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen.  I’d be interested to see what the director did next and it’s a shame this movie fell so far off the radar, and as I look on IMDB I realize that the director also wrote/directed The Cooler, which is a fantastic movie.  Of course, he also directed Mindhunters…

I was going to talk about some books but I haven’t actually been reading anything new so I’m not going to bother (although I will drop a recommendation for Connie Willis’ The Doomsday Book) .  I’m hoping to get a look at the Rob Zombie Halloween (which I’m pumped for, Zombie knows how to do classic 70s horror) and the BBC series Jekyll, which had gotten some buzz on the various nerd blogs that I read.  Also to alleviate to soul crushing tedium of being at home I’m trying to plan a road trip to visit all my various friends in easy driving distance, so hopefully tales of drunken debauchery in various locales will follow.

SI’s Peter King recently picked his all-time greatest NFL team (here). Typically, for King (see his QBs list from earlier in the year that ranked Vince Young above Donovan McNabb Young’s stats last year: 51.5% 6.2 ypa 12-13 td-int -8.1% DVOA…just saying…) his choices are pretty much a bunch of no-brainers (Jerry Rice, Jim Brown) and uninformed crap. First off, there is the idiocy of picking players you’ve never seen play without using any kind of statistical analysis. Some picks just seem to be utterly random (Sammy Baugh ahead of Ray Guy at punter???)

Another stupidity:=“C | Mel Hein | New York Giants (1931-45)

Its’s so hard to compare eras, obviously, and Hein played from 1931 to ‘45. But no player in history played both ways, every week, for 15 years and at such a high level for a good team.”

How the hell do you know that? Because someone told you? No other proof whatsoever.

Then there is the all time, most idiotic selection:

“K | Adam Vinatieri | New England Patriots (1996-2005), Indianapolis Colts (2006-present)

It’s no accident New England won three Super Bowls, all by a field goal … and got to the first one because Vinatieri made maybe the most clutch kick in history, a 45-yarder through a snowstorm to propel New England past Oakland in the 2001 playoffs.”

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me? Adam Vinatieri is the best kicker of all time!? Because of one fucking kick! I guess kickoffs don’t matter nor does a lengthy career performing at a high level. Vinatieri doesn’t even belong in the fucking pro bowl, much less in the Hall of Fame or on any kind of greatest of all time list. All his other “clutch” kicks? (as in the non-snow game) 40 yarders indoors? That’s what you are paid to do! Plus if he hadn’t missed earlier kicks (1-3 in the Super Bowl anyone?), he wouldn’t have had to kick the “clutch” ones (because only scores at the end of games count, ask A-Rod). Vinatieri is possibly the most overrated athlete of ALL-TIME.

So moving past that, another complaint: Why are Mike Vick’s dogfighting troubles being mentioned in the same breath as the NBA crooked ref scandal? On the cover of Sports Illustrated it mentions how the NFL and the NBA are “rocked” by their respective scandals, wtf? How does the illegal off-field actions of a single player compare to a referee possibly fixing play-off games? They’re not even in the same universe. One, sorry PETA, doesn’t fucking matter aside from impact on the individual player (and I guess the team but an injury would have the same effect); the other introduces the idea that the games are fixed. I’m going to repeat that in all caps THE PLAYOFFS COULD BE FIXED. That compromises the integrity of the league in a way that hasn’t been seen for decades (CCNY scandal, Black Sox). There is NO comparison to Mike Vick, none, nada, zilch.

Everyday I’m more and more convinced that sportswriters know absolutely nothing about the actual sports they cover, and it just pisses me off. If I was as uninformed at my job as they are at theirs I would be fired.

Sorry for ranting.

I’m a big mark for H.P. Lovecraft and the whole Cthulhu-mythos genre (wow Cthulhu is a word according to Firefox that is sweet), from the original stories to the Cyber-Cthulhu of Charles Stross’ Atrocity Archives.  It’s often lamented that Lovecraft is virtually impossible to translate to the big screen, since “things so horrible that the mere glimpse will drive you into unending madness” tend to render special effects technicians into gibbering insanity, which makes finishing under budget difficult.  I suppose John Carpenter has come the closest, although not with his Lovecraft-themed At the Mountains of Madness but instead with the other two entries in his “Apocalyptic Trilogy”: The Thing and Prince of Darkness (especially the latter).  The closest I think anyone has gotten to a true capturing of the Lovecraft spirit are the games Call of Cthulhu and Eternal Darkness, both of which you should play (I’ll wait).  Ok you’re back?  Well, the reason for this somewhat lengthy discussion is that in 2005 Sean Branney and Andrew Leman created a version of Lovecraft’s Call of Cthulhu short story as if it had been filmed in 1926, when the story was released.  Therefore, it’s black and white, silent, and with 20s-style special effects.  All in all it’s pretty sweet.  The plot sticks pretty close to the original story, I’m sure there are some deviations (the filmmakers did strip out a good bit of the *ahem* racially sensitive content of Lovecraft’s story) but I’m not quite that nerdy that I would notice the minor changes plus it’s been like two years since I last read “Call.”  Anyway, the plot works well as a silent film and you can get away with more bad acting and a crappier budget (as my own Eisenstein-inspired films for my Russian film class prove) in black and white.  The finale on the island is especially well done, with some good Cabinet of Dr. Caligari inspired landscapes and a suitably cheesy Cthulhu that the filmmakers wisely don’t let you see clearly.  Having watched far too many silent films from the era, I couldn’t help but notice that the camera work was a little too modern for the time period (too many cuts/too much movement and some other techniques that didn’t come along for a whole bunch of years) but it didn’t really detract from the actual film (unless you’re some kind of weird silent film purist).  In fact, the anachronistic camera most likely made the film better as most silent films are, quite frankly, deadly boring, which this surely isn’t.  Anyway, it’s kind of hard to find but I really recommend that you check it out, either at a film festival or on dvd.  Plus support indie filmmaking!  The website is here.

Fracture

I meant to see this film in theaters but kind of dawdled until it was gone.  I’m glad I finally saw it because it’s a pretty good movie.  Ryan Gosling is a hot-shot prosecutor, moving on to bigger and better things, who is trying to put away Anthony Hopkins (who killed his wife) in his final case.  Of course, things are not as they seem blah blah blah.  The twists in the film are pretty cool and I was really impressed with Ryan Gosling, who I’m never sure if I like or not (I wasn’t the biggest fan of Half Nelson).  He did a great job as the extremely cocky lawyer, although his head still has a weird shape.  Definitely worth a rental, especially in the doldrums of summer.

The Future – Hopefully Disturbia tonight, Stardust later this week, and then Superbad on Friday.  ADVENTURE!

Book Review:

Th1rte3n  -Richard K. Morgan

I’ve read all of Morgan’s Kovacs series and, while I was always entertained, I’ve had a number of problems with the novels.  Morgan created a really cool universe, with all the body swapping and whatnot (read the books), but the thread of extreme nihilism and the lack of humanity in the character of Kovacs (namely his relentless anger) would always leave me worn out by the end of a book.  Thirteen (I’m not using the weird number letter/pseudo 1337 speak title anymore) is a stand-alone novel set in an entirely different universe from the Kovacs books and I think it’s, by far, Morgan’s best so far.  He’s always been great at world-building and that continues here.  Meanwhile, Morgan cuts down on some of his own cliches (only one incredibly graphic sex scene! and the lead character doesn’t badly injure his arm yet still manage to use it at the critical moment) and creates a far more believable, and likable, main character in Carl Marsalis, a genetic post-human (or in the context of the novel perhaps he could be called a pre-human) who is hardwired for aggression and bad-assness.  The books plot isn’t really all that important and I felt it took a couple of twists because it was supposed to, rather than because they were necessary to the narrative, but overall it was a pretty good book.  However as bad ass future super agents go, Asher’s Cormac still beats any of Morgan’s creations.  So if you’re looking for cyber-punkish/noir-esque/bloody sci-fi, check it out.

I ‘m marooned in Hanover for the next month so expect a lot of book and movie reviews since I have absolutely nothing else to do.  Either that or be on the look out for my suicide note because of a boredom-related death, whatever.

I am going to be emotional devestated if Superbad isn’t amazingly funny.

Check out these links and reviews
With the quickness:

Bourne Ultimatum = Sweet as all hell

Apocalypto = meh, kinda boring. Which is weird to say in a movie with like 4000 deaths.

The Host = South Korean kaiju for the win!

I took third place.  Syphers and Rodeo won.  See flickr on the side for pics.

More later.