Maybe it’s the drugs talking, but I have to say if Jesus made a movie it would be Godzilla Final Wars. As I was watching, I discussed the ridiculous amazingness of this movie with a certain lady friend (hi lady friend!). At one point, I said this: the first one liner? “I’m sorry but I’m a vegetarian” and then the dude shoots a machine gun laser into a lobster monster’s brain. <—-See? awesome It’s directed by the guy who directed Versus (see my review of Midnight Meat Train), and, yes, it is just as ridiculous. Example: random American dude, who for some reason speaks English the entire movie, carries around a samurai sword the whole time…Why? who knows, he basically doesn’t even use it (so the movie isn’t perfect). Basically, there are about three minutes that aren’t a fight of some sort. These minutes are so unbelievably overacted that it’s actually underacted (just kidding, they’re still ridiculously overacted). I can’t even think rationally about this movie, too much awesome. I’ll try though:
Plot summary: Are you kidding? It’s Destroy All Monsters II, only without the character development (if you haven’t seen Destroy all Monsters 1.) you fail 2.) you should be able to guess exactly how much character development Destroy All Monsters has). Basically, the entire world gets destroyed by monsters, seriously like every city on Earth is annihilated (I’m fairly certain that like 8 people survive). Then Godzilla fights every monster ever, there’s also Kung Fu.
Ok, shitty parts: No samurai sword fight (as mentioned above), The end of the movie prominently features Baby Godzilla (although I feel like this was partially a joke/homage/we can’t figure out how to end this thing (Versus had the same problem)). And there is one final sin, one so egregious that it forces me to downgrade this movie from Jesus-made to merely John the Baptist-made….they don’t use the fucking Akira Ifukube Godzilla theme song!!!! seriously, what the FUCK! Arghhhh, this was about 1 goddamn song away from the greatest movie ever. Seriously, moronic…It had better have been some legal thing.
Anyway, calming down…if you are into b-movies or Godzilla at all, you need to watch this movie. Preferably in a crowd, preferably drinking/other activities. Actually, as long as you’re not completely lame you will love this movie, it’s ridiculous in all the right ways. Rent it…now.
