A Simple Tool

God, 3 posts in one day…I so crazy

I didn’t really feel up to reviewing Changeling or Gran Torino.  But I will say this, even when Clint Eastwood makes a movie that’s not great, he makes a damn good movie.  Hopefully, that made sense.

A blitz of reviews to make up for the severe  decline in posts recently.  Blame the University of Chicago Divinity School, a lack of internet at the cabin, the Shield (final verdict on the show: The Wire has ruined all cop shows.  Aside from that it’s pretty good, but watching 7 seasons in like a week was a bit of overkill), my enormous stack of books-to-read, and me in that order.  Basically, this is me trying to catch up with a bunch of movies from this year:

Movie #30 Appaloosa (2008)

Renee Zellweger is kinda weird looking.  Seriously, I guess I’m supposed to think she’s hot but, no, just no, ew.  Plus, she kinda sucks at the whole “acting” thing.  That’s probably too harsh, she’s not terrible, but she’s certainly not good.  ANYway, this movie is a western and as anyone familiar with my tastes in movies can tell you that I am genetically predisposed toward westerns.  This movie isn’t bad but it’s nothing special (this is a theme you’ll be seeing a lot in these reviews).  There’s this weird romantic subplot (or mayhaps it’s the main plot, really) with Ed Harris using Viggo Mortenson to talk to women for him, I didn’t find it particularly compelling but your mileage may vary.  All in all the movie is kinda dull but inoffensive.   Viggo kicks ass, the end.

Movie #31 The Wackness (2008)

This a rant which is not entirely connected to the movie.  Here we go: Isn’t one of the points of independent filmmaking that you can transcend conventional genres and do new and exciting things?  If that’s so, then why are so many indie movies the exact fucking same?  “Incredibly slow moving movie about two people falling awkwardly in love and it ends unsatisfying where you’re not sure if they stay together or not”  Color me unimpressed.

The Wackness isn’t bad.  It’s not great, or particularly funny (or particularly anything), though.  There’s a real effort to replicate the whole early 90s thing and sometimes it feels a bit forced.  We get it 90210 etc…On the other hand, the music kicks some real ass.  The ending isn’t exactly satisfying, but if you couldn’t see that at the beginning then you seriously need to watch more movies.  Worth a rental.

Movie #32 Ping Pong Playa (2007)

This movie is kinda great.  Seriously, it’s really well made.  The type of movie where 10 years later when the director makes some big budget bag of awesomeness you’re shocked (see Peter Jackson’s early movies for a good example).  It’s certainly the best movie about ping pong that I’ve seen in the last year, emphatically beating out Balls of Fury (not that Balls of Fury was all that bad (I mean, it wasn’t great)).  I can’t even really describe the tone of this movie, it’s kinda like a combo of 80s sports movies (complete with ridiculous montages! (everyone loves montages!)) with Napoleon Dynamite. In addition, I’ve noticed that I’ve been making some somewhat ridiculous spelling/grammar errors in these posts, sorry.  Moving on, the main character here is pretty unlikeable but that’s kinda the point and he’s kinda awesome at it (as in unlikeable but still likable/endearing (does that make sense? good)).  Plus, a key character moment is instigated by a puppet kung-fu movie.  What more do you need?  It’s a fun little movie and I strongly recommend it.

Movie #34 Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

Brief review because my dog seems to have no other desire in life but to rest his head on my keyboard: eh, it was ok.  Elizabeth Banks is always good (why does everyone think Anna Farris is funny (seriously what has she done that’s good?) and no one talks about Banks? she’s good).  There were some good parts, some funny Kevin Smith dialogue, but on the whole it was underwhelming.    Also it seemed to go really quick, I guess that could be a good or a bad thing.  It’s worth a rental but on the scale of 2008 comedies it ranks solidly behind Pineapple Express and Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Christ, does every movie star Seth Rogen?).  Not worth your 10 dollars but certainly worth the space on your Netflix queue…It might make a good date movie, but what the fuck do I know?

Movie #35 Hamlet 2 (2008)

Steve Coogan is pretty damn funny.  The rest of this movie is utterly forgettable and there are some very crappy jokes here.  If it’s on TV, why not? otherwise leave it be.

I actually watched a couple other movies but didn’t feel up to reviewing them.  I have shamed my family and apologize.

Stats don’t include today

Of course, Favre somehow made the Pro Bowl (which is ridiculous considering that Philip Rivers didn’t).  At least we don’t have to deal with 10,000 stories a day about how awesome he is until after the playoffs when the whole retirement drama starts again.  Hey, maybe he can fuck over another team then call their opponents and give them scouting tips!  But he’s just having fun out there, like a kid.

Desperately trying to avoid working on my finals…This won’t be a long or good review, be warned

This movie is confusing and weird.  The end.

Ok, I’ll write a little more.  Don’t expect it to be coherent.

For some reason the Japanese director thought it would be a good idea to have his all Japanese cast (minus Quentin Tarantino) speak entirely in English.  Given the fact that I have a very hard time understanding people with accents (sorry it’s a flaw of mine) especially when I’m pretending to concentrate on the philosophy of John Courtney Murray (more on him in another post), this made it pretty difficult to get what was going on.  Oh, the whole film is also shot with this crazy overexposed style with really obvious painted backdrops and all sorts of crazy weirdness that you get in the best awesome Japanese films (see: Versus, Godzilla Final Wars, Battle Royal (to a much lesser extent)).  So, basically it’s incomprehensible.  On the other hand, it’s got all that weird craziness of really awesome and crazy Japanese movies, plus a ton of gore (it is directed by the guy who did Ichi the Killer and Audition after all).  So It doesn’t really suck.    Yeah, I’m just thinking back over parts…holy shit…it’s kinda sweet…So if you don’t mind having very little idea what the fuck is going on then check it out.  If you’re a huge fan of coherent and deep plots, I would suggest avoiding it.  In many ways this movie is like this review, incoherent but bad ass, only this review isn’t very bad-ass.

Oh and the final sword vs. gun fight is pretty awesome (though short).

Sorry it’s been so intermittent lately…I’m kinda having a month-long panic attack.

Oh and about the movie I’m reviewing…I know, I know.

Far in the distant past, I dated a very pleasant young lady who happened to be utterly obsessed with The Notebook.  The Notebook is a shitty movie.  Whenever I made my opinion on the subject known, she would reply “you just hate romantic movies”.  This was a goddamn lie.  A good romantic movie is still good, look at High Fidelity, Once, or even Bridget Jones Diary. So, I might be less favorably inclined towards mediocre romance movies, but I’ll still enjoy a good one.  Hence, The Notebook = shitty movie.

Definitely, Maybe is decent.  I dunno, it didn’t really blow me away but it was fairly competent.  Ryan Reynolds is good and so are all the female characters (Elizabeth Banks, Racheal Weisz, and my dream girl Amy Ryan).  The story isn’t any great shakes and it was pretty obvious who the girls were in the story (as in who he married, who he’s really in love with, who was a passing fling).  Really I have nothing more to say, it’s worth a watch, nothing offensive but nothing that would neccesitate you running out to see it.  Good date movie.